Trust issues, secrecy, and infidelity can deeply damage relationships. Learn common causes and how therapy helps rebuild trust and emotional safety.
Understanding Trust Issues, Secrecy, and Infidelity
Trust issues in relationships often emerge when there has been secrecy, emotional withdrawal, broken agreements, or infidelity. These experiences can shatter a sense of safety, leaving one or both partners feeling hypervigilant, suspicious, or emotionally disconnected.
Infidelity may be physical, emotional, or digital, and secrecy alone—such as hidden behaviours, withheld information, or partial truths—can be enough to seriously erode trust.
Trust difficulties are not simply about the past event; they shape how partners relate in the present. Even after disclosure, the nervous system may remain on high alert, making it hard to feel secure, open, or close again.
Common Contributors to Trust Breakdowns
Trust breakdowns often have multiple contributing factors. Relationship stress, unmet emotional needs, poor boundaries, or difficulty tolerating vulnerability can all increase the likelihood of secrecy or infidelity. Individual factors such as attachment wounds, fear of conflict, shame, trauma histories, or struggles with impulse control may also play a role.
For the partner who was betrayed, trust issues may be intensified by past experiences of abandonment or betrayal. For the partner who engaged in secrecy or infidelity, avoidance of difficult emotions, fear of disappointing their partner, or difficulty expressing needs directly are often central contributors.
How Therapy Helps Make Sense of What Happened & Heal Wounds
Therapy offers a contained and guided space to understand not only what occurred, but why it occurred and how it affected each partner. Rather than focusing solely on blame or justification, therapy helps couples explore the emotional, relational, and contextual factors that led to the rupture.
This process supports clearer accountability, more honest communication, and a shared understanding of how trust was compromised. Importantly, therapy also helps partners determine whether and how trust can be rebuilt in a way that feels emotionally safe and realistic.
ACT and Responding With Integrity After Betrayal
An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approach supports both partners in navigating intense emotions such as anger, shame, fear, and grief without becoming overwhelmed by them. ACT helps individuals notice urges to withdraw, attack, or control, and instead choose responses that align with their values.
For the partner who broke trust, this may involve responding with openness, consistency, and accountability even when discomfort is high. For the betrayed partner, ACT can support setting boundaries and expressing needs without being driven entirely by fear or reactivity. Over time, this values-based responding helps create conditions where trust can gradually be restored.
EFT and Repairing Emotional Safety
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) focuses on the emotional bond between partners and the attachment injuries caused by secrecy or infidelity. In EFT, trust violations are understood as deeply painful disruptions to emotional safety rather than isolated mistakes.
Therapy helps partners move beyond cycles of accusation, defensiveness, or withdrawal by identifying and expressing underlying vulnerable emotions—such as fear of abandonment, shame, hurt, or longing for reassurance. As these emotions are shared and responded to with care, partners can begin to rebuild a sense of emotional security and connection.
Rebuilding Trust as a Process, Not an Event
Rebuilding trust takes time, consistency, and emotional honesty. Therapy helps couples develop clearer boundaries, improve transparency, and learn how to repair ruptures when they occur.
While not all relationships continue after infidelity, many couples find that with support, trust can be rebuilt in a deeper and more intentional way.
If trust issues, secrecy, or infidelity are impacting your relationship, professional support can help you understand what happened and determine the path forward—and we invite you to contact us today to begin that work with care and clarity.
