Explore why some habits become hard-to-stop compulsive behaviours, how they develop as regulation strategies, and how evidence-based therapy can help create lasting change.
When Habits Turn Compulsive: Understanding the Pull
Most of us have habits—patterns we fall into because they’re familiar, efficient, or comforting. But some behaviours begin to feel less like choices and more like urges. People often describe them as hard to stop, even when they cause stress, conflict, or a sense of being out of control. These patterns can show up in many forms and across all walks of life.
This article explores how habitual or compulsive behaviours develop, what differentiates a strong preference from a problematic pattern, and why a combined, evidence-based therapeutic approach can be especially effective in creating real change.
How Compulsive Patterns Often Develop
Compulsive behaviours rarely appear out of nowhere. More often, they evolve as adaptive responses to unmet needs, chronic stress, or emotional overload. At some point, the behaviour worked—it helped regulate emotions, restore a sense of control, or meet a need that couldn’t be met in other ways.
Examples of how this can show up include:
• Overworking to manage anxiety, avoid vulnerability, or maintain a sense of worth
• Over-reliance on sexual gratification as a way to regulate stress, soothe loneliness, or escape emotional discomfort
• Collecting or acquiring items excessively to create safety, certainty, or emotional grounding
In each case, the behaviour isn’t random or “self-sabotaging.” It once made sense. The problem arises when the strategy becomes rigid—used automatically and repeatedly, even when it no longer helps.
Habit, Preference, or Compulsion: What’s the Difference?
A habit or strong preference:
• Is generally flexible and responsive to context
• Can be paused or modified without significant distress
• Doesn’t consistently interfere with relationships, health, or values
A problematic or compulsive behaviour:
• Feels driven or urgent rather than chosen
• Is difficult to stop despite negative consequences
• Is often followed by shame, relief that is short-lived, or a sense of loss of control
• Becomes the primary (or only) way to manage certain internal states
The key difference is not what the behaviour is, but how it functions in the person’s emotional system.
Why Willpower Alone Rarely Works
When behaviours are serving a regulatory function, simply trying to “cut them out” often backfires. Removing the behaviour without addressing the underlying need can intensify distress, leading to cycles of suppression, relapse, and self-criticism.
Lasting change tends to happen when therapy helps people:
1. Understand what the behaviour is doing for them
2. Build alternative ways to meet those same needs
3. Reduce the internal pressure that drives the behaviour in the first place
Why a Combined, Evidence-Based Approach Works Best
An integrative approach that draws from CBT, ACT, and IFS is often particularly effective for compulsive patterns because each modality targets a different layer of the problem.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helps by:
• Identifying triggers, thoughts, and reinforcing cycles
• Interrupting automatic behaviour patterns
• Building practical skills for tolerating urges and stress
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) adds:
• Skills for relating differently to urges rather than fighting them
• A focus on values-based action instead of symptom control
• Increased psychological flexibility when discomfort shows up
Internal Family Systems (IFS) goes deeper by:
• Exploring the original necessity of the behaviour—why it emerged and what it protects
• Identifying “parts” of the self that drive or resist the behaviour
• Creating compassion and internal safety, which often reduces the need for the behaviour altogether
The Power of Finding the Original Coherence
One of the most transformative shifts happens when people move from asking
“How do I stop this?”
to
“What does this part of me need?”
When the original purpose of the behaviour is understood and respected, change becomes less about constant self-control and more about genuine internal reorganization. Instead of endlessly counter-balancing urges, the nervous system begins to settle—and the pull of the behaviour often weakens naturally.
This is where many people experience the difference between managing a problem and truly resolving it.
Moving Toward Lasting Change
Compulsive behaviours are not signs of weakness or failure. They are signals—often pointing to unmet needs, unresolved stress, or parts of the self that learned to cope the best way they could at the time.
With the right therapeutic support, it’s possible to understand these patterns, loosen their grip, and build healthier ways of meeting the needs underneath them.
If this resonates, we invite you to reflect on what might be asking for care beneath the surface—and then re-invite you to contact us today to explore how therapy can help.
References;
Luigjes J, Lorenzetti V, de Haan S, Youssef GJ, Murawski C, Sjoerds Z, van den Brink W, Denys D, Fontenelle LF, Yücel M. Defining Compulsive Behavior. Neuropsychol Rev. 2019 Mar;29(1):4-13.
Tiego J, Trender W, Hellyer PJ, Grant JE, Hampshire A, Chamberlain SR. Measuring Compulsivity as a Self-Reported Multidimensional Transdiagnostic ConstructCompulsivity as a Self-Reported Multidimensional Transdiagnostic Construct: Large-Scale (N = 182,000) Validation of the Cambridge-Chicago Compulsivity Trait Scale. Assessment. 2023 Dec;30(8): 2433-2448.
