Trust is a core psychological function. At its most basic level, trust is the belief that we can rely on ourselves, other people, and the world to be reasonably safe, predictable, and responsive. It allows us to explore, take risks, form relationships, regulate emotions, and recover from mistakes.
When trust is present, the nervous system can relax enough to allow growth. When trust is absent, the nervous system remains on guard—hypervigilant, anxious, or withdrawn. In this way, trust is not simply a belief; it is a felt sense of safety that underpins healthy psychological functioning.
Self-trust in particular—the belief that I can make decisions, tolerate uncertainty, and handle the outcomes—is essential for:
• Emotional regulation
• Autonomy and confidence
• Secure relationships
• Resilience in the face of stress
• A coherent sense of identity
Without self-trust, people often feel stuck, overwhelmed, or dependent on external reassurance.
How Self-Trust Develops: It Is Learned in Relationship
Self-trust is not something children generate on their own. It develops through early relationships—especially with caregivers—who provide consistent signals of safety, belief, and reliability.
Children learn to trust themselves when they experience:
• Being believed in
• Being allowed to try and fail
• Being supported without being controlled
• Having their emotions tolerated rather than fixed
In other words, children learn self-trust by first being trusted.
When a parent communicates, “I believe you can handle this,” the child internalizes a sense of competence. Over time, these experiences consolidate into internal beliefs called schemas that directly determine how someone views themselves and what they are capable of (self-esteem & self-efficacy).
The Role of Parental Trust in Shaping a Child’s Inner World
Everyday parenting moments carry psychological meaning. When parents allow age-appropriate independence, they are not just encouraging skill development—they are shaping how a child understands themselves.
Parental trust sounds like:
• “I think you can figure this out.”
• “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
• “I’m here if you need help, not to take over.”
These messages help form adaptive schemas such as:
• I am capable.
• I can cope with challenges.
• I can rely on my judgment.
These schemas become internalized and later guide how the child approaches school, relationships, work, and decision-making.
When Anxiety Interferes With Trust
Many parents struggle to trust their children—not because they lack confidence in them, but because their own anxiety becomes activated.
Parental anxiety may stem from:
• Past trauma or loss
• A belief that danger is always imminent
• Fear of failure or harm
• Experiences of being unsupported themselves
When anxiety is high, parents may over-monitor, over-correct, or intervene prematurely. Although well-intentioned, these behaviours can unintentionally communicate:
• “This is too much for you.”
• “You’re not safe without me.”
• “I don’t trust your ability to manage.”
Children are highly attuned to emotional cues. Even when reassurance is offered verbally, anxious behaviour sends a different message—and children tend to believe what they feel more than what they are told.
How a Lack of Parental Trust Undermines Self-Trust
Over time, repeated experiences of being doubted or rescued can shape maladaptive schemas such as:
• Dependence/Incompetence – “I need others to manage things for me.”
• Vulnerability to Harm – “The world is dangerous, and I am not equipped.”
• Failure – “I will mess this up.”
These schemas often persist into adulthood and show up as:
• Chronic self-doubt
• Difficulty making decisions
• Fear of mistakes
• Excessive reassurance-seeking
• Avoidance of growth opportunities
Adults often describe this as “not trusting myself,” without realizing that this belief was learned relationally.
Rebuilding Self-Trust Through Schema Shaping
Schemas are enduring, but they are not permanent. They change through new emotional and relational experiences.
1. Naming the Schema
The first step is awareness. Ask:
• When do I assume I can’t handle something?
• What outcome do I fear?
• Whose voice does this doubt resemble?
Naming the schema weakens its automatic authority.
2. Creating Corrective Experiences
Self-trust grows through experience, not reassurance.
This might include:
• Taking small, intentional risks
• Allowing discomfort without immediate escape
• Letting mistakes occur without harsh self-criticism
• Reflecting on outcomes with balance rather than catastrophe
Each experience that contradicts the old belief gently reshapes the schema toward:
I can cope, even when things are hard.
A Parts Based Perspective on Trust
From a parts-based perspective, difficulty trusting oneself often reflects protective parts that developed to manage fear or other painful emotions.
The Anxious Protector
An anxious part may constantly scan for danger and say:
• “Don’t try—you might fail.”
• “What if something goes wrong?”
• “Better be safe than sorry.”
This part is not the problem—it is trying to keep you safe based on past learning.
Creating Space Rather Than Suppression
Healing comes from creating space between yourself and the anxious part.
This involves:
• Noticing when the part is activated
• Acknowledging its protective role
• Gently choosing not to let it dominate decisions
This “parts space” allows a calmer, more grounded self to lead—one capable of realistic risk assessment rather than fear-based control.
Parenting and the Intergenerational Transmission of Trust
When parents work with their own anxiety and protective parts, they change more than their internal experience—they change what gets passed on.
By:
• Regulating themselves before intervening
• Allowing children to struggle safely
• Trusting the learning process
• Repairing when anxiety takes over
parents communicate a powerful message:
“You are capable, and I trust you.”
Children internalize this message and eventually offer it to themselves.
Trust Is the Soil Where Growth Happens
Trust—both relational and internal—is the foundation upon which psychological health is built. Without it, growth feels dangerous. With it, challenge becomes possible.
Whether you are a parent learning to trust your child, or an adult learning to trust yourself, the work is the same:
• Understand where fear comes from
• Create space from protective parts
• Gently reshape old schemas through experience
• Choose belief over control, again and again
Self-trust does not emerge from certainty. It emerges from learning, repeatedly, that you can meet life as it unfolds.
Connect with us if you would like to work on building a greater sense of trust within yourself.
